On the 14th July 2021 I was admitted to St Andrews hospital in England.
I didnt know what to think,
I hadn’t got a choice,
I hadn’t been deemed able to make the decision,
I lacked capacity.
Yet i arrived,
In England, to start a 3 year long admission, that would save and change my life in many many ways.
Friendships made and ones that have continued for the time since discharge,
Relationships broken into pieces and rebuilt;
Only to go through the process and again.
Skills learned and amd then ignored when crises took over,
Relapses, restraints, medical intervention, forced treatment in order to save me.
Only now, when i reflect over the 3 years ive been out of that hospital admission, can I realise the work that the staff put in to every single patient on that ward.
The patience, the commitment and the hope held within them that things would improve.
That silent promise to themselves in the darkest moments of each day, no matter what,
The courage they had to put themselves at risk to help when aggressive behaviour was present on the ward.
They didn’t stop believing in me.
I was very very poorly.
And for me to notice the difference since then;
That is pretty huge!
Seclusion rooms and limited or very restricted access to every day items due to risk.
Today I can say I’m glad they saved my life,
It’s a mental state that I never want to be faced with ever again.
The hurt, the worry, the trauma,
It all had a part to play on my journey,
But I homestly dont think id be here without that admission.
It was extremely difficult amd I would never repeat it,
But im glad I am alive to show that recovery is possible AND WORTH IT!
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