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When will i stop hurting?
When will the thoughts go away?
When will burnout have less control of me when it hits?
What if i dont want to feel sad again?
Everyone gets sad, right?
Its just normal.
Its part of the process.
Its unavoidable.
How can i get through it safely if it happens again?
It takes over so quickly.
It controls my thoughts.
When will i take back the reins.
When will i make the choice.
Will it ever be my choice?

These questions are going through my head one after the other.
There seems to be no end in sight.
So ill make the finish line.
Ill stop the thoughts on the conveyor belt.
I will take charge.
And i will change the record.
Its not easy, it never has been.
But it can slowly get better.
Not everything changes all at once.
Progress doesnt come from stopping your emotions from showing up.
No.
Progress is how you deal with them.
How you respond.
Your reactions.
And how you choose to move forward no matter the risk urges.

Slow down, take your time.
Its not a race.
And it cant be perfect all the time.

Give yourself the option to just breathe for a while.
Cause thats what your body might need right now.

Some day I want to find happiness.

A kind of happiness that isn’t replaced by guilt or sadness or anxiety within minutes.

I don’t know what happiness feels like, and my heart is wondering if it has a way of lasting for a little longer than other emotions.

It’s just that I don’t think it comes to visit too often.

I’d like to get to know the feeling and maybe invite it to stay over.

I don’t know.

It might say no.

It might think it’s a trick.

I need some happiness in life.

I’ve needed it for a while.

So next time I find happiness, I’ll ask if you would mind coming for longer.

Some day I’ll get to know happiness and how to find my own.

When you’re having a bad day,

When you struggle to get out of bed to face the world and just don’t know if the mental energy is there;

You can’t give up!

Giving up seems the only way alot of the time.

It may feel confortable and maybe a feeling that you are used to.

2026 has started. We’ve survived our first full week, and that has taken courage!

You made that happen!

Even if there was mornings you rolled out of bed with no intention of tackling the to-do list.

Even if food was consumed out of the want for something that was not overstimulating and not difficult.

Do you realise that alongside getting out of bed, having some sort of nutritional intake, you overcome both tasks that felt overwhelming before they happened. You did your best and started the day with human survival.

Thoughts of not doing enough, or not doing what others achieve on a normal day? That is their reality, nit yours.

I have to remind myself daily that my story, my journey, my day to day tasks are not what others face.

My reality is scraping myself off the floor while others work a full time job or juggle school runs.

My day consists of survival without a hospital admission for a crisis mental health assessment which has been a regular occurrence recently. I use all my energy to pick myself up, dust myself off and take another step forward in order to stay well.

On days when you feel like giving up, remember your why…

Why is it important to have breakfast and take your morning medication?

Why does fresh air and movement matter today?

Why should I try interacting with others instead of hiding away?

Why should I start today positively?

Why do I continually choose recovery?

No matter how tough or pointless today feels, you’ve done your absolute best with the energy you have left and mental state you are in.

Acknowledge your efforts.

You’re still fighting, because you haven’t given up! Deep down, you know you are choosing to move forwards. It just doesn’t feel close to the lives of others.

So regain focus, do what YOU can do to stay on track and keep going, my friend!

You’ve got this!

Love,

Rhi

Rhiannon,

2025 was no easier than 2024.
As you can guess, it had plenty of crisis points, risk incidents, moments of giving up, and hospital stays…
But what did you achieve?
Your first answer to that question is to say you didn’t achieve anything, which is simply not true!
You’ve survived another full year! That has taken all your mental energy in itself!

You have become a student,
You’ve maintained living independently,
Youv’e had an incredible christmas!

You have so many better days to experience than any that have already happened.

Trust me, 2026 will be your year Rhi!

I don’t know your story.
I dont know your past.
Im not here to criticise or judge.
But I am asking you to stay.
Stay so that we can watch the sun set on the beach together.
Stay so we can celebrate birthdays and Christmases and the start of a new year.
The feelings you are experiencing right now are confusing. You want to act on urges, and I get that. Its familiar, it’s a coping mechanism. But it doesn’t solve the problem. Your actions to engage in risk may help very short term. But the same issues will resurface and then what?
Please stay, Rhiannon.
You dont have to do this alone. You have so much support. Accept it. You are stronger than you think you are. Brave girl, you’ve gotten through so much already and you can get through this too.
Leaving this world isn’t the answer. It’s a permanent ending. I know deep down that scares you. You are scared incase this is the time it works, the time you leave.
That fear proves you don’t want to end your life.
Rhiannon, stay.
You are yet to experience so much, yet you’ve been through lots of things that others never will.
You’re 25 this year.

You’ve survived suicide attempts.

You’re living alone and independently.

You’ve managed to stay out of hospital

You’re living now.

You’re not just surviving from one moment to the next.

You need to slow down a little bit. Not everything needs completed so quickly.
Stay.
You have your psychology course to complete.
Your volunteering.
You have so many achievements coming up, if you go, what happens everything you’ve worked hard for?
This isn’t me telling you what to do, because I know you have the capacity to make choices. You deserve to make choices based on your own opinion.
Stay.
Understand these feelings will pass. They won’t last forever. You will be on the other side of your struggles if you keep going. Keep surviving. Keep taking it moment by moment until you can bare minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. It will get easier. This is a wave that wants to swallow you up. So let me help you learn to ride the wave, to surf the urge until we get you over the peak of it. Then we will steady our balance together and prepare ourselves for the next. The waves won’t just stop. But they will get fewer and far between as they calm down and settle.
So, what’s your verdict?
Will you stay and create a life worth living?

Written on 21/09/25

Do you want to become you best version of yourself?

Do you want to create a life worth living?

PROVE IT!

Finish your course, Rhiannon. Get the qualifications and use them to support others on their journey. Make your struggles a way to build lives up when they fall down, just like yours did for so many years. Take the good out of your experience and encourage those who see no light, to hold onto hope, just like you did.

You know you can!

I know you will!

Here’s the thing…..

None of us, no matter how hard we try to change our lives to resemble the lives of others, will ever find true happiness within ourselves.

This is something I’m still learning. I wanted to share the judgment that I know I’ve been caught up in for as long as I can remember.

We are not made to have the same qualities, personality, or sometimes even values as others. We are not them. We need to accept that we are our own person. We have been created to be individual and unique.

I often find myself comparing my past to those I went to school with. Some are now in stable relationships, working in a job they put the effort into getting. Some have moved out or are in university or travelling the world.

Why does this cross my mind?

I guess I’m jealous. I want what they have. It stops me accepting and being thankful for my own life and what I have achieved.

Past tense…

ACHIEVED!

I didn’t make it through high school, yet I have a level 3 diploma in psychology.

I didn’t choose to move out of home, yet I’ve managed over 8 months of independent living in a flat of my own.

I haven’t travelled or got a uni degree, but I am working hard on my access to a university nursing course alongside volunteering roles.

I may not have the life I thought I’d have at 25, but I am lucky and grateful to still be alive.

Because on the hard days when things feel hopeless, I choose to accept my circumstances, be proud of what I have overcome already, and stand firm, looking towards my goals.

We can only move forward if that’s what we choose!

The dreams of others won’t get you to a place where YOU want to be.

So start chasing your own!

Life comes with ups and downs. We set goals, milestones, and reward ourselves for our achievements. However, as we near the end of 2025 and welcome the new year of 2026, we often find ourselves wanting to make changes. But we don’t then give credit to the things of the year passed. We don’t easily acknowledge what we’ve overcome already.

So lets take a moment…

My 2025 achievements :

1. Discharged from hospital for over 6 weeks
2. Psycholgy qualification
3. Access to University course for Nursing – Started
4. Maintain enough stability to remain living independantly
5. Permanent housing offer
6. Mental health conferences booked and afew attended
7. Christmas complete
8. Bouncing back quicker from crisis points
9. Accepting support and allowing professional input
10. Decrease in medication doses

Leaves fall to the ground below,
The sunshine sets and the moon replaces its position,
Rain trickles down the window,
The sunshine hides its blinding glow behind the clouds.

But just as autumn leaves drop, flowers begin to bloom.
When the sun sets and the moon has satisfied its role, the sun will rise and return to its position.
As the rain drips and gathers to create puddles, it also makes a reflection in the clear water of its moments of time and the life that passes by.

Hearts will continue to beat, even when others prepare to stop giving life.
Life is possible, until the moment it ends.
Time won’t pause to grieve its loss.
The world won’t delay its existence to make time for you to feel ready or catch up.

These are all processes which sometimes go unnoticed but happen nonetheless. They may seem unimportant. The weather, the season, the time of day. It has no choice but to happen. It’s all part of a cycle, an unfinished, repetitive routine. Seasons begin and end, as does the day separate itself from the moon-lit night.

Take yourself in the direction of new beginnings. That is something you have the option to do. Otherwise you are choosing the same patterns. The destructive cycle. The routine of nothing changing. Without change, we are a budding flower that could bloom and transform into colours as beautiful and unique as you.

Are you ready? Ready for personal growth? To create and live in this next season of your life?

Will it be different? Well, my friend… staying the same wont move you any further forward. It may even be more difficult to stay where you have become comfortable. Moving towards the day you feel ‘ready’ would be one long journey and just as difficult and scary to stay in.

Do this life scared. Until you feel the fear and decide to still take the step you need to, nothing changes. The sun appears and the light will fade. The leaves will fall and the storm will beat down, as the thunder roars.

You have the ability to find you warm glow of sunshine that has been hidden behind the dark clouds.

You have an inner strength that, no matter how hard things get, can’t and won’t disappear. It may fade. It may get buried a little by factors in life that make you forget what you have already overcome. But honestly? I admire your inner strength because no matter what, you continue. You may have challenges, risk behaviours, negative emotions, and the hardest of days where everything is just too much. You may feel like you’ve erased all progress. That’s not true! It may have knocked you down a little, discouraged you, but you are still showing up. You are still doing the things your mind is persuading you are pointless. You’re doing the hard things anyway. That is inner strength. No one or nothing can take that away.

Fall down 7 times, stand up 8!