I want you to know that I am sorry. Sorry for leading you towards a path that was full of pain.
You didn’t deserve that at all. You continued on a road that was destructive. I guess you followed the instructions of a voice that you knew was lying. It said you’d be safe. You had your doubts but ignored them.
I’m sorry.
Something didn’t feel right. Hospital admissions, self harm, suicide attempts. Everything that was screaming that you needed some sort of help. But resistance to treatment had won too many times. Choice had to be taken away. Options were becoming limited. You were stuck.
Steps forward became nearly impossible and support systems began to put measures in place that were restrictive to keep you safe.
Where do we go from here?
Forwards.
That is the decision we needed to make, albeit hard. Was every day perfect from that moment? No. Did we perservere? Absolutely! Things aren’t perfect. I don’t hold hope that they will ever be without doubts and challenges.
Understand that the choices that you made as a 13 year old, have shaped the future you’ve yet to experience. Lived experience and personal growth are what will carry you through your dream of working within mental health. Supporting children and young people with the same diagnoses as you have had in the past; that is a superpower. And although there will be differences in circumstances from patient to patient, you will empathise on a level that comes from a personal standpoint. Direct, with a positive mindset that you’ve been there and got through it. Living proof that recovery is possible and worth it, without dampening down the daily struggles that come with it.
I guess you’ve got a lot to give to others through your past.
So again, I’m sorry that the bad days had to happen to the severity that they did. I’m sorry that I didnt notice sooner or respond differently. But I am thankful for the lessons learned and the perspective I now have to be able to reduce others with the same challenges.
Keep being you!
Lots of love,
Rhi x
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