Sorry.

I’m gonna say just one word…..
Sorry.
I know you feel like youve caused 1000 problems and they all end with the promise of behaviours not happening again.
Yet within 12 hours of committing to recovery youve created another crisis situation where youve surrounded by support and claiming you have no one.
‘I dont know when the change needs to happen’, you proclaim each time the same question is asked by the teams of professionals who want to see you chase your dreams.
‘What is going on, Rhiannon?’
The question your brain can tell is coming though you have no words to form into a reply.
‘Youve got so much to work for, to keep you goinh. So many people who just want to help you acknowledge your own potential.
Life is impossible, or it seems that way.
So whats keeping you here?
If it was impossible you wouldnt be surviving. You wouldnt be ringing lifeline and reflecting in appointments.
Something inside you is holding on.
Maybe by a thread… but youre still trying!
And sure your grip is slipping and everything feels heavy.
Your lack of consistent recovery is aching to be changed.
You know that you dont want to die.
Youre full of hope and joy amd motivation in the moments that you feel in control.
Coursework is a choice that you werent forced into today, yet you continue to progress and learn and strive for a life free of your own struggles in order to be a safe haven for others.
Give yourself grace.
Give yourself time.
Give yourself the option to minimise risk and have other safe, healthy choices.
Youve got the knowledge and skills to build a life worth living.
One that you wake up and look forward to.
One that doesnt feel dreaded or lost from the first moment.
Nothing in life needs to be perfect.
When you think of your deepest, darkest moments of depression, thats not where youre at now, Rhiannon.
Youve come so so far from that 13 year old girl who was shrinking her life as well as her body.
The years that have been spent in hospital, in relapse, in unsafe situations, all may feel like wasted time that have not moved you any further forward….
You dont need to stay stuck!

You need to move yourself from where youve got uncomfortable with being unsafe.
And write the rest of your story with a plot twist!
The ending can be so different to how it has started.