When I feel scared, I retreat into a cage and shut the door.
I close all tabs that were opened for me.
Tabs that were keeping me well, stable and independent.
Never content with the moment I found myself in, I’d look towards the next milestone, hoping for fulfilment and satisfaction that never lasts.
When I think of my past self, the little girl that focussed on the ‘what is next’ milestones, the shifted goalposts.
I never felt capable.
I felt insecure and on edge.
I felt lost.
But everything was in my control, no matter how out of control it felt.
Understanding my own potential has happened only recently. I’ve surprised myself. I’ve proved people wrong. I’ve stood strong and held my position until I could take another step forward.
Going backwards is no longer an option. It doesn’t feel like my first response anymore – not like it used to.
My capacity, my focus and determination, to not only show others but also believe in myself that I can manage, respond and follow a positive pathway that becomes something that doesn’t have to be consciously chosen each moment is the road that I’m creating.
Nursing. Mental health nursing. That is the end goal. The future goal.
That is what makes all of the hard days worth it!
Backwards steps into forward strides!
Let’s open the cage door and free ourselves. So much more than the past.
We create our own future.
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