Reflection

When I started tracking my recovery 4 months ago I didn’t think I would make it this far and see the progress that I have.

I didn’t expect to have moved past behaviours, made changes to my routine or to create a safe and stable structure each week while balancing my study deadlines and therapy appointments.

When i began this journey I thought I wouldn’t see the positives so soon. I guess I was hoping for some sort of outcome that felt, at the time, pretty impossible. It seemed only a figment of my imagination. All I’ve really known it afew weeks of stable mood and then into another relapse or crisis period.

To think that I have written in my journal each evening for a solid 4 months, can see progress not only in what I’ve written but how I feel within myself when I look back on darker days, I am very proud. I don’t see a girl swallowed up by the fear of letting people down. I don’t view myself as irritable or emotional anymore.

I can now allow myself to reflect on moments I can choose to manage in a dofferent way than I would have in the past.

Although I can’t erase my bad days from the past, and i can’t prefuct how I’ll react or cope in the future, the things that I do right in this moment are what will determine what direction my recovery goes.

Here and now.

Upon reflection, these 4 months have taught me to stay determined, to make positive daily habits that will stick and to value the support offered when things feel abit harder.

Life won’t suddently be perfect. And I think thats what I have aimed for for a while now. It just isn’t possible or achievable to have no doubts or fears or worries.

Things can be good. They can be great sometimes. So allowing myself to be realistic has helped. Dampening down emotions isn’t beneficial. But realising that there’s been a positive mindset shift over time….. thats been and will continue to be an important step for my overall health and wellbeing.