I Wish I Knew

I wish I knew.
I wish I knew how hard it would be,
How much I would have to fight the urges,

I wish I knew when it would get worse,
When I struggle most and have to manage the hardest of life events,
Events that no one thinks they’ll experience.

I wish I knew how to cope with things going out of routine,
Plans changing,
People moving away,
Loss and grief.

But……
All of this, although I wish I knew, I’ve managed, I’ve coped, I’ve got through many bad days that I thought were the end, and everyone around me expected to be the last straw.

I’ve proved to a lot of people, as well as to myself, that I am capable and have the ability to choose recovery every single day, even when I don’t want to or feel able.

I am stronger and braver than I thought I would ever be. I didn’t think I’d survive the stumbles that turned into fearful falls.

As I sit here typing, I know my struggles didn’t consume me.
And they no longer hold the power to rule over me.
They won’t take away my happiness.
They won’t become who I am or what I’m known for.

I’m proud of what I’ve overcome.
I’m proud of who I’ve become.
I’m proud of where I am on my journey, from where I’ve been already to where I’m headed.

Different mindset,
Different attitude.

A whole new chapter to live!