Feeling alive

Feeling alive isnt just breathing and going about your day.
Its not as simple as it sounds, yet so many of us think is just getting on with our lives.

The complexity of waking up in the morning comes from our body amd mind being rested enough to function,
Its having the energy, motivation, and ability to know what we need to do next in our routine.

I haven’t felt alive for an awfully long time due to my unstable mental health.
It has left me crippled with anxiety, leading to daily tasks being left undone, not leaving the house and being unable to sit with uncomfortable feelings and urges.

Im not going to sit here and say I feel alive now. As ive said, its a complex statement to make and im not quite sure im there just yet.

I struggle.
I struggle on most days.
But i also smile, laugh, feel proud, feel a sense of accomplishment.

The smallest of things that wouldn’t be given a second thought to others, are what make my day feel successful to me.

Understanding that my highs come whenever they get the chance gives me hope that even though I have the lowest of lows sometimes, I can always pick myself up and let things continue until ive surfed the urge, until I can ride the wave and soon, very very soon, I’ll have that smile back.

Nothing in this world will take away what ive already gone through in life, but I have overcome so so much, and I feel more alive every day.

You see its not a feeling you get all of a sudden. It grows as you grow. It becomes part of you as you mature and experience life. So, when you next think that you dont have that feeling, that oomph, that courage to go wherever life takes you, even within each day, remember that feeling will only grow stronger. That feeling is part of you. Allow it to become more.