Feeling Ready

Here’s the things, you’ll not feel 100% ready all of the time.

You’ll not feel happy, excited, and hopeful every single morning when you wake up.

When you realise your coursework has been returned with the required amendments to make.

When you get a text to say your plans with your friend are cancelled last minute.

The reason im saying this is because I’ve gone through my recovery up to now feeling like it I’m not actively trying and putting an effort into being around people, treating myself a little bit, doing things that physically I know I’m doing then I’ll not make progress.

Truth is, I have wanted to see physical signs of progress and happiness and recovery. When actually, my mindset gets more positive every day, I think clearly and have no thoughts of relapse or heading into crisis. These aren’t things you can hold or physically see.

But they make such a difference in the direction our mind goes.

When exploring about this on a deeper level, I know I can become impulsive and from what seems like getting out of the wrong side of the bed in the morning, turns into a hospital admission and crisis response getting involved, things need to stay level with me.

I’ve never really let go of ALL behaviours that I have picked up along my journey. Some don’t have the same difficulties arise when engaged in anymore, but until now I honestly have held on tightly to the thought of, “maybe it’ll help me this time,” or “i keep it close just incase I need it”. As much as I hate to admit it, this is my last hurdle to leap over and move on from.

Society these days isn’t the most positive. Negativity, judgement, comparison. I’ve fallen for it… for too long. I thought I’d never be ready to let go. I thought I’d not want to be separated from this one behaviour. It felt comfortable to have. Too comfortable, perhaps. I’ve copied others, 5 compared myself to the lives of people I don’t know personally, and it’s destructive. It’s not helpful. Never has been and never will be, so why hold on?

Let it go!

Rhiannon, you’ve got through so much and feeling ‘ready’ will never happen. Bite the bullet and just get rid. Go on! Do it! Tomorrow will be another day and you’ll want to keep saying, ‘maybe tomorrow’. It will never come.

The World won’t stop turning.

Time won’t stand still.

Your life will just continue and you will thank yourself for taking this step with such courage and determination.