Happiness is ALWAYS a good choice

When thinking about where I’ve been in the past, the life I thought I’d have, compared to the life im living now… I can’t quite believe the change.

I thought i wouldn’t survive. At many different points in my life, I didn’t want to survive. I wanted everything to just blackout and stop.

Im glad I stayed. Not because I have changed my mind, although this is very much true. But because I have got to experience things a lot of people don’t survive or go through. This is not comparing my life to others. Or being proud of the things i have done in the past. Im simply saying I can’t quite get my head around how much I want things to improve, since being so unwell. I have found a spark. A glow that I’m choosing to hold on to.

I don’t know what the future holds. Yes, im unpredictable.  But that isn’t WHO I’m am.

I may get short tempered. That is not WHO I am.

I am Rhiannon.

I am 24 years old.

I have, in the PAST, struggled with my mental health.

I am choosing recovery.

I have continued every single day for 100 days now, to keep myself safe, not because I have to, but because I want to.

I know now that i don’t need to self-sabotage, self-destruct, or punishment myself.

I know that I deserve to be kind to myself, to others, and to my future self – for she will thank me for it some day soon.

My past self may not have known that she would face so many trials and battles in her life, but she wouldn’t erase a single piece because it’s making her stronger, more resilient, and open-minded to what chamge can bring.

Change is hard for anyone. Taking mental health, bereavement, and self hatred, and you could get a life like I did. But becoming the person I am now has been worth everything I have been through. My journey isn’t over. My recovery will be on-going until it doesn’t feel like I need to make it as a choice. It will become less than even a thought.

Until that day comes, which i feel is not far away, I will keep staying safe, keep showing up every day, and giving 100% to recovery.

If I can help, even just one person with what I say and have gotten through, then it’s worth it.

I don’t take credit for every part of my recovery. Some parts were not my choice. I was too unwell to get through at times. On days, life just felt impossible, yet here I am, saying the words, ‘I have survived’.

And those words will only grow each day into,’ I have recovered’.

Keep going; it gets better my lovelies.

Better AND worth it.