When I feel scared, I retreat into a cage and shut the door.
I close all tabs that were opened for me.
Tabs that were keeping me well, stable and independent.
Never content with the moment I found myself in, I’d look towards the next milestone, hoping for fulfilment and satisfaction that never lasts.
When I think of my past self, the little girl that focussed on the ‘what is next’ milestones, the shifted goalposts.
I never felt capable.
I felt insecure and on edge.
I felt lost.
But everything was in my control, no matter how out of control it felt.
Understanding my own potential has happened only recently. I’ve surprised myself. I’ve proved people wrong. I’ve stood strong and held my position until I could take another step forward.
Going backwards is no longer an option. It doesn’t feel like my first response anymore – not like it used to.
My capacity, my focus and determination, to not only show others but also believe in myself that I can manage, respond and follow a positive pathway that becomes something that doesn’t have to be consciously chosen each moment is the road that I’m creating.
Nursing. Mental health nursing. That is the end goal. The future goal.
That is what makes all of the hard days worth it!
Backwards steps into forward strides!
Let’s open the cage door and free ourselves. So much more than the past.
We create our own future.
Tag: process
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Forward Steps
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A Moment At A Time
Day by day,
Moment by moment,
One at a time;
Breathe.
Feel how you feel,
But don’t allow it any more time than necessary.
You are more than the sadness that has been a part of your life these past few years.
You are not sadness.
You are you!
Nothing can remove your identity from this world.
You are unique.
You choose the path to take from now on,
Each choice is one that you will look back on in a year and remember with a smile on your face.
The sunshine glowing warm on your skin,
The flowers blooming,
The smile that your best friend has when she sees you coming, arms open, ready to embrace you in a hug.
All of these require a process,
A starting point,
To get to the final destination and then start over until the next time.
The sun has to rise and set at the start and end of each long day.
The progress of a flower that blooms is not a quick one. It takes in every little bit of life, while existing happily as it is.
And then there is the smile from your best friend. This can be a personal one, as everything is in life. The smile; a unique, personal way of expressing emotions of happiness. That of a friend though, not quite your own, but feels sometimes as if you helped form their smile with your company, your presence.
It’s a funny one!
Each moment can’t be taken back to change…
So why do we so often want to look back on the past and wish we had used different words, different actions?
Why do we believe that our past defines and becomes our future?
Each moment, each second that ticks by, we cannot re-live. We can only learn from.
Living in the past stops us from creating the life we can only dream of in the moment.
But every moment we live as it happens, is a moment closer to dreams becoming reality; not all at once, but slowly and steadily.
Progress isn’t sudden.
It happens over time,
Consistently.
Moment by moment,
Day by day,
Happiness will find a way.
