Day by day,
Moment by moment,
One at a time;
Breathe.
Feel how you feel,
But don’t allow it any more time than necessary.
You are more than the sadness that has been a part of your life these past few years.
You are not sadness.
You are you!
Nothing can remove your identity from this world.
You are unique.
You choose the path to take from now on,
Each choice is one that you will look back on in a year and remember with a smile on your face.
The sunshine glowing warm on your skin,
The flowers blooming,
The smile that your best friend has when she sees you coming, arms open, ready to embrace you in a hug.
All of these require a process,
A starting point,
To get to the final destination and then start over until the next time.
The sun has to rise and set at the start and end of each long day.
The progress of a flower that blooms is not a quick one. It takes in every little bit of life, while existing happily as it is.
And then there is the smile from your best friend. This can be a personal one, as everything is in life. The smile; a unique, personal way of expressing emotions of happiness. That of a friend though, not quite your own, but feels sometimes as if you helped form their smile with your company, your presence.
It’s a funny one!
Each moment can’t be taken back to change…
So why do we so often want to look back on the past and wish we had used different words, different actions?
Why do we believe that our past defines and becomes our future?
Each moment, each second that ticks by, we cannot re-live. We can only learn from.
Living in the past stops us from creating the life we can only dream of in the moment.
But every moment we live as it happens, is a moment closer to dreams becoming reality; not all at once, but slowly and steadily.
Progress isn’t sudden.
It happens over time,
Consistently.
Moment by moment,
Day by day,
Happiness will find a way.
Tag: life
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A Moment At A Time
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Not The Same
I am not the person i used to be,
Although i have the same name, same features, I am not the same.
I am not the sick one,
the ‘be careful what you say around her’ one.
I am not known for being unwell anymore, although this is how it’s felt for years until recently.
I am not tip-toed around,
Whispered about under a breath,
Warned about to others ‘just incase’,
I am not self concious,
I am not misunderstood,
Because i am not the same.
I understand my emotions, my thoughts, my behaviours.
They dont occupy my mind for half the time they used to.
I’m not cured.
There is one thing for certain though-
I’m better.
I’m well.
I’m free.
And i am NOT the same.
I’m creating the life I almost lost -
I No Longer…..
Although I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder
I no longer let it control me,
I’m no longer the sickest version of myself,
I no longer feel the need to gain validation for the smallest choices,
I no longer have angry outbursts or lose my temper on a daily basis.
Although I’ve had a diagnosis of an eating disorder
I no longer want to shrink my body,
I no longer wish I could disappear,
I no longer have an unhealthy relationship with food or exercise,
I no longer let what used to trigger, affect me at all,
I no longer compare myself to others’ bodies.
Although I have a diagnosis of depression/unstable mood/anxiety
I no longer have pseudo seizures,
I no longer find crowds anxiety-provoking,
I no longer get severe low moods leading to hospital admissions each month,
I no longer have PRN medication on my prescription,
I no longer need two therapy sessions a week to keep me stable,
Although I have a mental illness currently,
I’m in a stable state and will remain so.
I’ve not been this well since before my diagnosis and treatment.
Some things have helped,
Some haven’t.
I no longer see myself as ‘the girl with BPD’.
I’m Rhiannon.
I am a psychology student, a music lover, and a blogger.
A small chapter of my story has been living through crisis and relapse.
We’ve moved on from that part.
We will keep moving forward until the words “Rhiannon no longer meets the criteria for BPD diagnosis” are written on paper. -
Allowing yourself to believe
Do you believe in full recovery? It’s something I’ve wanted for so long. I’ve never really thought of my mental health as just another thing that makes me unique. I’ve never viewed it as a strength… Something I’m proud of myself for getting this far with. I’m not going to lie and say it has been straightforward. But today, I am allowing myself to believe that things get better.
No matter what your head is telling you, whether it’s to feel guilty for having a little happiness moment or not thinking about self-destruction, you survived that feeling. The feeling of happiness was maybe overruled by guilt, but it took a moment in time to be felt. That’s a moment longer than you felt last week.
You’ve gone through so much that is brushed off as if it’s nothing. Labelled in your head as harm that was deserved. You minimize your victories.
Don’t expect your life to change overnight. Every day is another chance to keep proving you are committed to recovery. I’m not saying the bigger milestones lose value, but be proud of getting to the end of another day. That felt impossible, once upon a time.
Love the life you’re living right now, because every moment we live to regret is one we can’t relearn to love. It’s over before we know it’s happened.
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You are capable
Dear reader,
You may have come across this post accidently. There may be no meaning to what you’re about to encounter. So let me tell you something before you decide not to read any further…
You are capable of ANYTHING you put your mind to.
You have lots of different choices to make every single day. You can choose from options you don’t even notice you have until they’re taken away.
My experience with choice is going to be different from others. Choice was taken away from me for so long. Until I made the decision to regain the little control that I still had.
Rewind to 2023, I was discharged from my 3 year treatment admission where I lost everything and gained it all back, plus more.
Although we’re now in 2025, I’d like to celebrate with anyone who has read this far.
You can achieve amazing things. No matter how small they seem, how dark life gets, how impossible things feel, you have a choice. And you are capable of making a change. Just like I did.
I continue to make my choices every day. Some more positive than others. But this is a reminder that anything you choose to do, say, think? That comes from you. You can be led to believe, persuaded, and convinced of things that aren’t true, aren’t factual, and aren’t the reality we are living, but that doesn’t have to sway us to negative choices.
I’ve been out of the hospital exactly 100 days. That means I’ve made the choice to ask for help when it’s needed, accept support, acknowledge when things are hard, and understand what decisions could lead to my mental health deteriorating.
100 DAYS!
You are capable, my friend.
You are stronger than any negative thought or urge.
I am so damn proud of you for making it this far.
I hope you see a little glow starting to sparkle and shimmer in the distance.
Chase your dreams.
Believe you can do anything you put your mind to.
Because you’ve got the strength.
You’re light is still shining. It’s just been dimmed a little with so much going on in your life.
We can undo the past, but we can start to live in the present in order to support our future.
Keep going!
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Feeling Free-er Than Free
What defines feeling ‘free’?
Well, the definition of freedom is, ‘ Freely making decisions based on your personal values and beliefs. It is no fear of judgement from others and setting no expectations.’
The expectations we have are often based on the opinions of others, or the assumed views that the people we love and look up to, will be negative. We associate our fears of rejection with ‘not being good enough’. The truth is, we won’t ever feel good enough if we chase satisfaction through values which aren’t our own. By doing things for our own happiness, we find so much more fulfilment in the moments and the process of becoming who we are proud of. Progress doesn’t become visible by changing our body, or wearing the clothes that are deemed ‘fashionable’. Progress shows in the smallest of things, such as the smile to a stranger, saying hello to an old friend, or letting someone know they’re loved by so many.
Freedom is the same, in many ways. It is more than a feeling of understanding yourself ad what has got you feeling trapped. It’s more than just knowing boundaries. It’s about putting into practice what you discover makes you happy. It’s giving yourself the time to appreciate the things in your own life, while not basing your approval on what others think.
Freedom, for me, is letting go of the past version of myself, but continuing to take on board the lessons she learned, throughout her challenges and past defeats. Changing the way I think about my future also brings me comfort in knowing I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I have come a long way, and I assist my recovery by my daily choices. I know that freedom is getting closer.
It won’t be a moment passing and I have suddenly found freedom. It doesn’t happen in a moment. But it is a continuous choice that can’t be lacking. It requires sustained effort, and the process will have it’s dips. You know yourself the best. You have the perfect understanding of your own personal growth, what has changed, what needs to change and how to go about it. Change is a scary concept. But our perspective at the beginning of anything we take on in life, shows how capable we are of achieving our dreams.
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Staying On The Continuum
26/06/25
You know there is a difference in having a bad day, and becoming deeply depressed? I’ve always though that my bad days were all a part of my depressive disorder, or my BPD. Until I attended my first day of a 14 week course in mental health, wellbeing and building resilience. I have learnt today, the common misconception that if I end the day in tears, it doesn’t automatically become linked to my a mood disorder. A part of it can be related if the sadness becomes a persistent part of my daily life and affects my everyday functioning, but when I feel tired, when I’m maybe coming up to my monthly cycle, when I’m feeling nervous about meeting a new mental health keyworker, they are all very normal, understandable things to use up emotions.
And although I have desperately wanted things to keep going absolutely brilliantly 100% of every single day, and then BAMMMMMMMMM!!!!! I’m hit with physical pain, or a sudden change to routine, and I suddenly think, ‘I’m depressed again. I thought I was well. I thought I was recovered. Why does it never stay away?’ Truth is, a bad day doesn’t equal being mentally unwell. It means you’re body is feeling emotions, like everyone does.
I ‘ve been on the continuum of recovery for about 3 months now. I’m having monthly mental health appointments, and now I know, the bad days, have been just that! They haven’t been weeks of continuously sadness and outbursts, and self harm, leading to hospital visits or an increase in support being put in place. I am the furthest I’ve ever been from crisis or relapse. That is HUGE for me.
So today, I’m encouraging you to be proud of feeling the emotions you feel. It just means your body is responding to daily life. Be kind to yourself, ALWAYS.
Stay safe, my lovelies.
Rhiannon Xx
