Although I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder
I no longer let it control me,
I’m no longer the sickest version of myself,
I no longer feel the need to gain validation for the smallest choices,
I no longer have angry outbursts or lose my temper on a daily basis.
Although I’ve had a diagnosis of an eating disorder
I no longer want to shrink my body,
I no longer wish I could disappear,
I no longer have an unhealthy relationship with food or exercise,
I no longer let what used to trigger, affect me at all,
I no longer compare myself to others’ bodies.
Although I have a diagnosis of depression/unstable mood/anxiety
I no longer have pseudo seizures,
I no longer find crowds anxiety-provoking,
I no longer get severe low moods leading to hospital admissions each month,
I no longer have PRN medication on my prescription,
I no longer need two therapy sessions a week to keep me stable,
Although I have a mental illness currently,
I’m in a stable state and will remain so.
I’ve not been this well since before my diagnosis and treatment.
Some things have helped,
Some haven’t.
I no longer see myself as ‘the girl with BPD’.
I’m Rhiannon.
I am a psychology student, a music lover, and a blogger.
A small chapter of my story has been living through crisis and relapse.
We’ve moved on from that part.
We will keep moving forward until the words “Rhiannon no longer meets the criteria for BPD diagnosis” are written on paper.
Tag: eating disorder
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I No Longer…..
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Gaining my smile
How does it feel to be able to say you’ve fully recovered from your eating disorder?
It feels empowering. It feels beyond anything I can describe. The very thoughts and behaviours that came with the agony I was putting my body through, all because the voice in my head told me to starve myself to control external factors in my life. External factors such as bereavement and loss were completely out of my hands, but yet I, for many, many years, blamed myself.
Getting through such a difficult time came with a very long journey of hurting and processing and therapeutic intervention. Alongside the bad days, though, came the good ones too!
I wouldn’t be alive if there hadn’t been people in my life fighting for me when I couldn’t hold on myself. I wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t intervened in the way they did because without nutritional intake, we fade and eventually disappeared to nothing. I lost my sparkle when my eating disorder became a part of my life, but I’m so damned proud to say it does not have a place in my head anymore. It’s taken 11 years. And although I live counting dates and working towards milestones, for this, I’m just happy to say I am fully recovered. Those are words I never thought I’d be able to say. I thought anorexia had become me, and Rhiannon was under the control of the voice in her head. I thought I could no longer gain any control back or change behaviours regarding my eating. But here I am! Saying those words! And realising the fight to get my life back is over. It doesn’t feel like a fight anymore.
It feels like a life worth living!
